Alone

Being alone...
it's not always a bad twist of fate
or something coming from misfortune.
Can you hear yourself
or focus on who you really are
if surrounded by a crowd?

It's easier to listen
without distraction
without pressure
without others trying to dictate
who you are, or who you should be.

The silence doesn't judge
or dictate anything.
It just listens
and lets you see things for yourself,
in a way
that loud and obnoxious crowds
will never allow
or understand.

Squander

Last month
if you'd asked, I would have told you
I was numb with hurt
knowing for certian you didn't want me.
We've not spoken since that moment;
I don't know if I'll ever
want to give you something personal again,
and you,
well this silence is normal for you
so it's not surprising.

This month
a friend stopped me, concerned
asking if I was ok;
my eyes were red with conjunctivitis
and he thought I'd been crying.
Another friend sent me
a handful of emails one morning;
he'd read my blog and saw
a small comment about wanting
email to read.

Tonight I realized
you've known me longer than these friends have
but have you ever known me?
You were satisfied with
the first impressions and generalizations
made a year ago
regardless of the truth.

Maybe tomorrow
I'll decide which was the worst squander:
that your blindness
wasted a good friendship
or that my hope
wasted time caring for you.

Silent Writing

This is, in fact,
another of my shields.
Armor always has been
one of the keys to how I think.
At times it may look
like these words only magnify
the metals seams and not it's strengths.
I too have worried on that.
But the more I give to this shield
and not to you
the more it strengthens.
even if it's just a seam.

Earth Doesn’t Feel Like Home Anymore

Earth doesn’t feel like home
anymore
not since you left my side.
My mornings see the same sunrise,
evenings bring the same stars,
yet everything is foreign to me.
Nothing fits anymore.
I go through the same tasks
that I’ve always done each day
but I don’t know why anymore.
If only I could have my child back
just for a day,
my soul might know
at least some peace.
But you’re gone
and every day I wish
pray
I could follow you home.