Third Light

Back again

2009-03-18T18:50:00.003-04:00

I always thought I hated you
couldn't wait to get away
no matter how far I went

Only to find myself here, back again,
under your grey wet sky
but this time
all I want to do is sit
on my deck, my feet up on the table
and watch the rain fall

I can't honesty say I missed you
not all of you
but the weather here was never the same
anywhere else I went
and I always missed your grey skies
and cool air.

Lightflower

2009-03-18T15:29:00.002-04:00

Show me where
the nightflower blooms
that I may touch the nectar
and fill my pen once more
with first light.

Just a quick poem I put on my "Free Text" window on LiveJournal.
First Light being a reference to the first poetry collection I ever tried to put together.

Using Your Voice

2009-03-18T13:33:00.003-04:00

I heard your voice
a deep rumble of a baritone that took me by surprise.
Only here, for I am not brave, will I confess
I'm using it, using your words for inspiration.

Here, where I am still somewhat
safe from embarrassment I can be honest.

You'll never read this.
Quite frankly if you did, I'd most likely be too surprised
to be ashamed
about my confessions.

For a few minutes.
Then the blood would rise
to my face, like it is right now just with imagining it.

But for now, there is safety here.
I can confess that your voice
makes my hands twitch.
Surely you've felt it too
from time to time, though
I doubt you've ever neglected your writing as long as I have.

But perhaps you will understand.
One doesn't turn away inspiration, no matter what the source.

So I will use your voice
as it helps me open the box I thought long lost and buried.
And I think, perhaps you
really wouldn't be offended.

Gray Dreams

2006-08-23T06:26:00.000-04:00

I've been busy lately
too busy for music
too busy for reading
too busy for almost all but work.
Should it really be surprising
that my dreams are also disjointed?

I am not home,
no presence of my friends
no forests nor gardens,
no fresh cool air nor pretty landscapes,
but what I have in photos, letters, and dreams.

It becomes a point of disharmony
and of restlessness
that my dreams should be
not of what I miss
but of grey metal and work.

a change of poems

2006-05-09T12:40:00.000-04:00

I had a poem for yesterday
born of stress
feeling alone, almost abandoned by friends.
Today my stress is greater, closer even
but I am at peace.

I reached out for my friends today
asking for help.
And now it is hard
not to cry
overwhelmed by the quick response
like a tidal wave of love.

The reminder is humbling
and makes me wish I could hold
each friend close
that they knew
each of them is more special
than they have made me feel,
that they knew
how much I love them.

Yesterday

2006-05-03T10:54:00.000-04:00

I saw you yesterday
but I didn't say a word,
didn't move to greet you.
Any other day I would have,
but not yesterday.

You've never really seen me in a dark mood
and not even your presence
could have broken me free from it,
not yesterday.
Yet had you approached me,
I would have gladly let you try,
and secretly wished you had.

It sounds odd I am sure.
When I could use your warmth, kindness the most
I don't turn to you
and hold it to myself.
I am too accustomed
to other friends
who shunned me when I turned to them
and not even my trust in you
has broken me from that yet.

So yesterday,
I didn't speak, didn't move to greet,
although I clearly saw you.

Sometimes

2006-03-20T23:55:00.000-05:00

I think about being in your arms sometimes
with my head turned, cheek against your chest.
You were the only one
who held me the way I liked,
close in warmth,
long moments with your hands
caressing my spine.
You're still the only one.

But I only think of you sometimes.

You know you lost my trust
just as you knew I rarely give that prize.
But you still had a chance
to regain some friendship, if nothing else.
Maybe you'd have spoken
if you'd realized it was your last.
But you let it pass by
without a word.

And so
I only think of you sometimes.

Holding on to letting go

2006-03-18T23:37:00.000-05:00

A song kept flowing through my head yesterday and this morning
It took a little searching to find this pretty melody
though the result was not surprising.
And now the song is flowing past my ears
over headphones set too loud
drowning out most of the nose
the berthing cleaners seemed determined to make.

"Now I Let It Go"
The irony of the title is not lost on me
not when I'm trying to let go of
the tensions and distractions that hold me back from sleep.

A sharp violin and soft guitar background.
I wish I could crawn into those notes, wrap them around me
breathe them in
until the annoyances that plague me
disappear behind a sweet shield of music.

I can feel the edge of sleep
almost there, yet just beyond touch
As each vibration of strings brings it closer
a voice, or careless slam of a rack drives it further away.

I close my eyes and try not to scream
at the cruel noises distracting me
And try to hold closer yet the sharp sweet music.

Special thanks to "Now I Let It Go" - From Moby's Animal Rights for helping me sleep.

sometimes the silence

2006-03-18T06:07:00.000-05:00

sometimes the silence is the only way
to find the balance
you want to talk, to say the truth
but it will only end
in a fight
or reprisal
probably both
and although it is truth that they need to hear
the words would just be ignored
in a fit of pride

and so
the silence usually wins

Glen: Last Flight

2006-03-18T02:42:00.000-05:00

(a Second Light poem)

Did you feel
boarding the plane
Someone Else
finished your concert?

Did you feel it
inside, in the secret place
a trembling hiding between the notes
with the engine's start?

Are you your music?
It's the one thing we haven't lost.

this place

2006-03-18T00:44:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to think of ways to describe this place.
The first words I find are
painless and numb.
There's noise eveywhere but it still seems quiet,
like it can never be loud enough
to cover the silence.
There is no difference from day to night,
just lights that never fade or dim
and never brighten.
Time is marked
by clocks and bells
but days never change.

Another Dream

2006-03-16T17:24:00.000-05:00

I dreamt of you today
again, yet unlike before.
I don't remember what we said,
only that you leaned in,
your lips close to my ear
and we simply talked.

Dreaming

2006-03-14T02:39:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I felt you last
close to a year
but you were there the other night
bushing up against my mind for a second or two .

Somehow I think
maybe you were dreaming of me
only you haven't realized it yet
haven't found me
or my words about you.

But perhaps in that dream
you found your way to me
if only for a few moments.

Peace...

2005-09-25T13:48:00.000-04:00

I've said a lot of prayers over you
asking God that you'd be part of my happiness.
Sometimes one of the little ones got answered.
My soul got to sing, standing next to a friend,
conversations have gotten longer and more relaxed
and even when I risked asking you for more
your friendship remained.

My prayers are different now.
I never thought I'd pray to be over you
but that's a strong one in my heart
I never realized settling my feelings for you
would be so painful.

I'm glad you won't be here for a little while.
You don't deserve this anger,
and right now looking in your eyes will bring
both anger and hurt.

So my prayers this time are to ask
that I can settle these feelings
before I face you again
anb accept what cannot be changed.

Alone

2005-07-23T18:32:00.000-04:00

Being alone...
it's not always a bad twist of fate
or something coming from misfortune.
Can you hear yourself
or focus on who you really are
if surrounded by a crowd?

It's easier to listen
without distraction
without pressure
without others trying to dictate
who you are, or who you should be.

The silence doesn't judge
or dictate anything.
It just listens
and lets you see things for yourself,
in a way
that loud and obnoxious crowds
will never allow
or understand.

Squander

2005-07-18T00:11:00.000-04:00

Last month
if you'd asked, I would have told you
I was numb with hurt
knowing for certian you didn't want me.
We've not spoken since that moment;
I don't know if I'll ever
want to give you something personal again,
and you,
well this silence is normal for you
so it's not surprising.

This month
a friend stopped me, concerned
asking if I was ok;
my eyes were red with conjunctivitis
and he thought I'd been crying.
Another friend sent me
a handful of emails one morning;
he'd read my blog and saw
a small comment about wanting
email to read.

Tonight I realized
you've known me longer than these friends have
but have you ever known me?
You were satisfied with
the first impressions and generalizations
made a year ago
regardless of the truth.

Maybe tomorrow
I'll decide which was the worst squander:
that your blindness
wasted a good friendship
or that my hope
wasted time caring for you.

Silent Writing

2005-07-17T23:00:00.000-04:00

This is, in fact,
another of my shields.
Armor always has been
one of the keys to how I think.
At times it may look
like these words only magnify
the metals seams and not it's strengths.
I too have worried on that.
But the more I give to this shield
and not to you
the more it strengthens.
even if it's just a seam.

Earth Doesn’t Feel Like Home Anymore

2005-07-16T23:41:00.000-04:00

Earth doesn’t feel like home
anymore
not since you left my side.
My mornings see the same sunrise,
evenings bring the same stars,
yet everything is foreign to me.
Nothing fits anymore.
I go through the same tasks
that I’ve always done each day
but I don’t know why anymore.
If only I could have my child back
just for a day,
my soul might know
at least some peace.
But you’re gone
and every day I wish
pray
I could follow you home.

Twins

2005-06-21T00:23:00.000-04:00

The same fair visage
falls on you both
and for that my eyes have named you twins.
Perhaps my heart as well, for in recoiling from him
these eyes have sought you out
more than ever before.

But not in love do I seek you.
None of my thoughts wish that direction
for you will never be
the one I seek.

Yet, in being twins
even if only in image
to find ease in your presence
might give me shield
to find ease again in his.

Waiting in the Evening

2005-05-19T03:45:00.000-04:00

I felt you tonight.
As the light eve slipped into twilight
I felt you
you were thinking about me
asking the same questions
when
when
and we both know it won't be soon
but I felt you
and you thought of me.

It's gone now.
You faded, shifted away
and I stand
just outside the edge of your thoughts
But when
will someday become
soon
you'll see these words
and you'll shift back
like being slammed into light
and you'll think of me
as I will feel it.

Closer

2005-05-09T01:33:00.000-04:00

I never told you
though the thought has been with me
countless times.
I cannot say that I love you
nor that I ever did.
The words sound too strange
even on the inside
But that does not mean
you have no meaning to me.

I cannot recall a time
where I did not think you beautiful
but your worth to me is more than that...
more because you...
you don't even realize you helped bring me home
that you woke up my faith.
It's not often that you can tell someone
"you broght me closer to God"
but it is something I can
and should someday
say to you

Brushing Blue Upon Blue

2005-03-14T21:25:00.000-05:00

I'm starting to understand you a little.
The first time watching you play and move
left only confusion.
I didn't want to see moments of quiet,
or of standing still,
dead time to my eyes.

I almost walked away
but sound called me back
with those fascinating rhythyms.
And in listening, I began to see...

The silence, the dark moments
were more jaring than the noise,
stripping the heart maskless.
It went deeper
where I didn't expect to feel.

The light moments, the craziness, still bring joy
but I am called back
more
by that pulse beneath the sounds.

You revealed my own silence, my own darkness
that wrench of pain
of standing alone.
But even then,
while still echoing with the strife and tension,
they all begin to ease...
Softened by the touch of knowledge
that someone else felt the same
and could see.

His Voice

2005-01-30T02:49:00.000-05:00

If only you realized what it did to me
tendrils of music
winding around my heart
like a soft caress, before it squeezes me tightly.

It's an effort
not to shiver
or sigh
when I hear you singing softly.

Secret Thoughts

2005-01-30T02:23:00.000-05:00

Secret Thoughts

No one really knows that I think you're cute.
The truth would surprise them
not to mention you.
Even I didn't expect to feel any attraction.

Sometimes... well most times really
when I turned around,
I'd catch your eyes on me.
It was unsettling, but not unpleasant.

Then one day I looked, truly looked
at your eyes.
For the first time I noticed
how bright they were, how they almost glowed
and how I'd never seen blue that pale before.

I won't lie
not here in these secret thoughts
of jealous pangs
seeing you hug and touch your other friends
but not me.

Then one night I made a point
of hugging people myself
secretly, it was a way to hug you
and even more secretly
I was disappointed when you didn't hug me back.

But perhaps it had been enough
a bit of a signal of what was allowed,
for the memory still lingers warmly
just two days later
I looked up
only to see you walking over, smiling
just before you pulled me into your arms.

Leaving Perfection Behind

2004-12-29T04:11:00.000-05:00

I still see perfection
in your face, eyes, voice.
Strangers catch my eye, when they remind me of you.
You are... were...
something of a dream to me,
like a fleck of moonlight.
But like that light
you cannot be held,
and dreams, even perfection,
will not stop me
as I turn to leave.

New Voice

2004-08-29T17:20:00.000-04:00

I sang today
for the first time in my true voice
the one I'm so scared to use
outside of my car

Although scared still at times
and stiff with tension
--especially today as I await the possible callback--
there was comfort in that voice for once.

Just Before Midnight

2003-09-29T13:30:00.000-04:00

I miss you sometimes.
You don't know it but
when it's cold and dark
and my wounds need healing
I go back to you.
You aren't there when I arrive
but like you promised,
two huskies stand guard over me
and I sleep, protected,
until you come home
a moment or two after I've faded away

Following History

2003-06-01T23:33:00.000-04:00

a long long time ago there was the story of a woman who lost a friend
and how he abused her indirectly
making her endure ridicule, severe insults, and eventually physical abuse
just so she could spend time with him.

a long time ago, though not as long, i told you that story
you hugged me and held me close
and would always tell me how much
you didn't want to see me hurt
again

yet...
you followed his footsteps

when your friends ridiculed me
you walked away
when I was attacked
you turned your head
and when I needed a friend
I looked for you...

The same silence greeted me
just like long long ago

Vision of Truth

2003-06-01T19:27:00.000-04:00

No one can tell you who your friends are.
It's something you have to see for yourself.

It took me a month of Sundays to see
though the confusion,
false friends surrounding me like harsh fog on the sea
hiding jagged knife edge cliffs in my path

but even the worst of fogs will fade
broken on shafts of bright midday sun
and for once I feel
and see
the truth.

True friends are there
always.
They aren't swayed by rumor.
They don't ignore you.
They don't put you through hell to earn their friendship.
They don't spread lies.

True friends help your soul fly.

Taking Flight

2003-06-01T19:19:00.000-04:00

It's ok for me to fly
It's ok if I open my wings and try to take the air
when you're here.

I know I'll make mistakes,
but you will still be here when I do
you put me at ease in a way
none other has
I'm unafraid to grow
unafraid to walk unarmored
unafraid to risk the air

you put me at ease
without second guessing
you make me feel safe
give me confidence
I am free from the chains of fear
and I take to the air

Dreams Still Touch

2003-05-27T05:53:00.000-04:00

Being an adult, she discovered, didn't mean she didn't have nightmares.

Her friend was there, somehow larger and stockier than she thought he'd be, holding a pair of sharp scissors, and something in his demeanor, said he planned to use them on someone, maybe even himself. Worried, she wrestled them away from him and he went off with his wife quietly.

But he didn't stay there...he came back, and pulled her into the kitchen, shoving her down to her knees. His hands weren't rough but they were like iron and she couldn't move, couldn't stop him from trying to hurt her.

But then he was gone.

And in her hand she held a dream catcher, some kind of mystical device that frightened more than it soothed. Her mother tried to convince her to go online to use it, but with each sentence her voice got worse, and yet worse, so unnatural it was no longer human.

She went upstairs in the old house, only to see her mother was there too, still in bed, but awake. Her mother said, it wasn't natural, but the *thing* was causing it, but it couldn't be destroyed.

She awoke with a shudder, a creepy scared feeling that filled her empty apartment. She rolled over and looked at her computer, sitting there, and tapped out a few keys...

In a few minutes, he was there, his tiny letters scrolling across her screen. She spoke to him of her dream, still shaking. He didn't say much, save that she worried too much. He just emoted that he morphed her into a small kitten and held her on his lap as he went back to work.

and her shield fell in place. Her eyes drifted closed and her breathing slowed. She slept alone hundreds of miles away, but where it counted most, she was shielded from the darkness and slept without dreams.

Welcome to my Poetry Page

2000-01-01T05:21:00.000-05:00

Welcome!

I'm currently having issues getting my archiving to work on my regular poetry blog so this one will temporarily take it's place until I can get my web site adjusted properly.

However, if I like it enough, this one may take over. Still it's too early to tell.

Anyway welcome welcome welcome.

Please pardon the weird back-dating, since I'm trying to re-create the original as honestly as possible.

--LynneElf--
:)